"to date"
These two terms get thrown around a lot when one considers the topic of dating. How should we date? Should we date recreational and sort of shop for awhile and date everyone we can so we can play the field to see what is best? I think the answer to this question is pretty simple. In the Bible it talks about respecting women all over the place. In fact, when God created Eve from Adam's side he created her from his rib for a reason. It wasn't just a random bone. God didn't create Eve from his foot bone so she could be stomped on, or from his back so she could be behind him, God created her from his side, so she would be beside him, equal in many ways. I'm not going to delve into all the other aspects of this but simply remind you of a verse, "do unto others as you would have done to yourself." Would you want somebody just messing around with you while they were dating you or would you want someone who is serious about what is going on? I think a necessary term change is in order. I think it is ok to "date" persay but we must take it seriously. This must lead to a courting relationship or stop. Do you guys know what I'm saying here? We as people, men or women, should not be playing with people's minds, toying with emotions, or seeing who can kiss the most girls. When we approach dating, it should be with a serious heart. Recreational dating only leads to a broken heart and in some cases a scared life. We should be looking not to date every girl in our school but rather to court the woman of our dreams.
With that being said here are a few things to be said about when dating/courting should begin and how it should be played out.
1. It is my opinion that you should be able to drive. If you want to date a girl you should be able to pick her up, go up to the door, see her in all her beauty, and drive off together to do whatever it is you manly men have planned. So obviously a minimum age can be derived from this: whatever age is required to have a driver's license such that you can drive alone.
2. If you find yourself changing boyfriends or girlfriends every 2 weeks its probably a good idea to just abstain from the whole practice all together. Not only does this created loads of socially awkward situations it just does not bode well for you to keep doing that. I would suggest that if this is the case for you, take a break from dating until you believe you have found someone you can maintain a healthy relationship with.
3. Men, its never a bad idea to get used to asking the father of the girl you are wanting to "woo" to date his daughter. I haven't heard of a time when a father has said no, the most that could happen is that he may wish to sit down with you and talk for a bit. The plus side to this is that you not only get major brownie points from the parents, you could get some major points with this girl if she finds out. One last thing about this, don't tell the girl you asked her dad. Just trust me on that one.
4. If the girl you would like to court says no, it means no. Don't stalk her, don't force her, let her be her. If you still really like her, give her some space after you initially ask them and maybe in the future move back to being her friend and see where it goes from there. Men, you should never force a woman to do anything.
5. Ladies, you have no idea the power you hold over these men who wish to impress you. Don't abuse it. Don't toy with these guys who are truly seeking. If the answer is no, its no. Tell him right away. Please don't mess around, don't toy with emotions, don't flirt needlessly. Be women of respect. If you want that respect you have to earn it. You can only earn respect by being respectful.
6. If you are a Christian, be only on the lookout for Christians. I'm not referring to the "you should not be unequally yoked" passage because if you really look at what that is saying its not really talking about dating/courting at all. In any case, I say this because you shouldn't want to date someone in order to bring them to Christ. This is called missionary dating and I believe it is a sin. For one reason, dating and courting were made to get to know someone in order to decide whether to marry someone, if you date for any other reason, you are distorting the cause that has been set before you, and sinning. You cannot start dating someone and decide that you are going to change them because I've seen people try and they end up changing to be someone they never wanted to be. If you want to bring someone to Christ, be their friend and minister to them that way. That and you can know that if you should choose to take your relationship to the next level (i.e. marriage) that its ok to do so. There are numerous reasons to only date believers, so just trust me on this one. It's just easier.
7. Establish some clear boundaries physically. Sex before marriage is wrong and you know it. Be rebellious against the culture and have a relationship that glorifies God. Yes you will make mistakes as a couple, but those mistakes are good if they are recognized and fixed. If you are having some serious trouble, seek outside help. Also, men, if your girl is saying no you MUST listen. I shouldn't need to bring up the abuse card but I am going to. I don't think I need to say much but I will personally hunt you down and beat you to a pulp if I hear from a girl that you are pushing her, hitting her, or doing things physically that she doesn't want (that includes kissing). I can guarantee you I won't be the only guy there taking care of the problem.
8. If you are skiddish about something in the relationship that should throw up some flags. Talk to your partner about it. Talk to someone else about it. Figure out why you are a little worried about something because 9 times out of 10, there is something there that needs to be fixed.
9. Men you need to respect the girls you date or court. That means opening doors, helping with the seat at the table, getting drinks, rubbing her feet, cleaning the carpet she walks on, the works. Treat her like a queen. Even if she tells you not to, do it anyway, and do it well beyond what you think she might deserve because I can guarantee you she deserves more. Buy her flowers spontaneously, bring her chocolate on valentines day, do all the things that make her smile, over and over and over and over. Not because she deserves it (she does believe me) but because you WANT to. If you don't want to make her happy, then you have some other problems to deal with.
10. Ladies, take care of your men. I'm not saying you need to do all the cooking and clean the house all the time but you were created as man's companion in life. Act like it. If he messes up, give him some grace because most men just want to impress you guys and we are trying our hardest to do so. Also, remember that you were created second, equal but second. Your man needs to be the leader in the relationship. That doesn't mean he can boss you around but it does mean that sometimes you will need to submit, if only a little. However most times, submission shouldn't even have to play in. It creates gaps in the relationship because one of you is forcing the other to do something. You two are a team, compromise will be needed, an agreement should be reached rather than one just submitting to the other. Ladies, a very important lady in my life said this and I whole-heartedly agree, "we must learn to agree with our men sometimes... learn to be on their side when certain situations call for it."
This is in no way a comprehensive lists and there are 'ifs' and 'buts' to each of those, but the most important thing to remember is that you should never want to grow closer to your partner. I know, I know, that doesn't make any sense but keep reading. Seek to grow closer to God and he will help you grow closer to him or her. You and your partner and God are at each point of a triangle. As you both seek to grow closer to God you both get closer to each other. If you just move towards each other, you leave God out of the mix. If you just move in a circular way (one grows closer to God and the other moves to where the first was), than only one of you is truly growing. So strive to grow closer to God individually and allow God to bring you two closer together. If you have any further questions feel free to contact me at the email listed on the top left of this page and I will either amend this post, make a new one, or respond to you personally.
informal go out with (someone in whom one is romantically interested) : my sister's pretty judgmental about the girls I date | [ intrans. ]they have been dating for more than a year.
"to court"
verb [ trans. ] datedbe involved with romantically, typically with the intention of marrying :he was courting a girl from the neighboring farm | [ intrans. ] we went to the movies when we were courting.• pay special attention to (someone) in an attempt to win their support or favor : Western politicians courted the leaders of the newly independent states.• go to great lengths to win (favorable attention) : he never had to court the approval of the political elite.These two terms get thrown around a lot when one considers the topic of dating. How should we date? Should we date recreational and sort of shop for awhile and date everyone we can so we can play the field to see what is best? I think the answer to this question is pretty simple. In the Bible it talks about respecting women all over the place. In fact, when God created Eve from Adam's side he created her from his rib for a reason. It wasn't just a random bone. God didn't create Eve from his foot bone so she could be stomped on, or from his back so she could be behind him, God created her from his side, so she would be beside him, equal in many ways. I'm not going to delve into all the other aspects of this but simply remind you of a verse, "do unto others as you would have done to yourself." Would you want somebody just messing around with you while they were dating you or would you want someone who is serious about what is going on? I think a necessary term change is in order. I think it is ok to "date" persay but we must take it seriously. This must lead to a courting relationship or stop. Do you guys know what I'm saying here? We as people, men or women, should not be playing with people's minds, toying with emotions, or seeing who can kiss the most girls. When we approach dating, it should be with a serious heart. Recreational dating only leads to a broken heart and in some cases a scared life. We should be looking not to date every girl in our school but rather to court the woman of our dreams.
With that being said here are a few things to be said about when dating/courting should begin and how it should be played out.
1. It is my opinion that you should be able to drive. If you want to date a girl you should be able to pick her up, go up to the door, see her in all her beauty, and drive off together to do whatever it is you manly men have planned. So obviously a minimum age can be derived from this: whatever age is required to have a driver's license such that you can drive alone.
2. If you find yourself changing boyfriends or girlfriends every 2 weeks its probably a good idea to just abstain from the whole practice all together. Not only does this created loads of socially awkward situations it just does not bode well for you to keep doing that. I would suggest that if this is the case for you, take a break from dating until you believe you have found someone you can maintain a healthy relationship with.
3. Men, its never a bad idea to get used to asking the father of the girl you are wanting to "woo" to date his daughter. I haven't heard of a time when a father has said no, the most that could happen is that he may wish to sit down with you and talk for a bit. The plus side to this is that you not only get major brownie points from the parents, you could get some major points with this girl if she finds out. One last thing about this, don't tell the girl you asked her dad. Just trust me on that one.
4. If the girl you would like to court says no, it means no. Don't stalk her, don't force her, let her be her. If you still really like her, give her some space after you initially ask them and maybe in the future move back to being her friend and see where it goes from there. Men, you should never force a woman to do anything.
5. Ladies, you have no idea the power you hold over these men who wish to impress you. Don't abuse it. Don't toy with these guys who are truly seeking. If the answer is no, its no. Tell him right away. Please don't mess around, don't toy with emotions, don't flirt needlessly. Be women of respect. If you want that respect you have to earn it. You can only earn respect by being respectful.
6. If you are a Christian, be only on the lookout for Christians. I'm not referring to the "you should not be unequally yoked" passage because if you really look at what that is saying its not really talking about dating/courting at all. In any case, I say this because you shouldn't want to date someone in order to bring them to Christ. This is called missionary dating and I believe it is a sin. For one reason, dating and courting were made to get to know someone in order to decide whether to marry someone, if you date for any other reason, you are distorting the cause that has been set before you, and sinning. You cannot start dating someone and decide that you are going to change them because I've seen people try and they end up changing to be someone they never wanted to be. If you want to bring someone to Christ, be their friend and minister to them that way. That and you can know that if you should choose to take your relationship to the next level (i.e. marriage) that its ok to do so. There are numerous reasons to only date believers, so just trust me on this one. It's just easier.
7. Establish some clear boundaries physically. Sex before marriage is wrong and you know it. Be rebellious against the culture and have a relationship that glorifies God. Yes you will make mistakes as a couple, but those mistakes are good if they are recognized and fixed. If you are having some serious trouble, seek outside help. Also, men, if your girl is saying no you MUST listen. I shouldn't need to bring up the abuse card but I am going to. I don't think I need to say much but I will personally hunt you down and beat you to a pulp if I hear from a girl that you are pushing her, hitting her, or doing things physically that she doesn't want (that includes kissing). I can guarantee you I won't be the only guy there taking care of the problem.
8. If you are skiddish about something in the relationship that should throw up some flags. Talk to your partner about it. Talk to someone else about it. Figure out why you are a little worried about something because 9 times out of 10, there is something there that needs to be fixed.
9. Men you need to respect the girls you date or court. That means opening doors, helping with the seat at the table, getting drinks, rubbing her feet, cleaning the carpet she walks on, the works. Treat her like a queen. Even if she tells you not to, do it anyway, and do it well beyond what you think she might deserve because I can guarantee you she deserves more. Buy her flowers spontaneously, bring her chocolate on valentines day, do all the things that make her smile, over and over and over and over. Not because she deserves it (she does believe me) but because you WANT to. If you don't want to make her happy, then you have some other problems to deal with.
10. Ladies, take care of your men. I'm not saying you need to do all the cooking and clean the house all the time but you were created as man's companion in life. Act like it. If he messes up, give him some grace because most men just want to impress you guys and we are trying our hardest to do so. Also, remember that you were created second, equal but second. Your man needs to be the leader in the relationship. That doesn't mean he can boss you around but it does mean that sometimes you will need to submit, if only a little. However most times, submission shouldn't even have to play in. It creates gaps in the relationship because one of you is forcing the other to do something. You two are a team, compromise will be needed, an agreement should be reached rather than one just submitting to the other. Ladies, a very important lady in my life said this and I whole-heartedly agree, "we must learn to agree with our men sometimes... learn to be on their side when certain situations call for it."
This is in no way a comprehensive lists and there are 'ifs' and 'buts' to each of those, but the most important thing to remember is that you should never want to grow closer to your partner. I know, I know, that doesn't make any sense but keep reading. Seek to grow closer to God and he will help you grow closer to him or her. You and your partner and God are at each point of a triangle. As you both seek to grow closer to God you both get closer to each other. If you just move towards each other, you leave God out of the mix. If you just move in a circular way (one grows closer to God and the other moves to where the first was), than only one of you is truly growing. So strive to grow closer to God individually and allow God to bring you two closer together. If you have any further questions feel free to contact me at the email listed on the top left of this page and I will either amend this post, make a new one, or respond to you personally.
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